Friends, I’m not ashamed to admit I have a dumbo palate. When I drink whiskey, I don’t taste three different fruits, leathers, and suspiciously made-up sounding 18th-century deserts. Nine times out ten, I just taste different shades of “whiskey.”

I don’t say this to discredit myself. I’ve got enough experience to concern family and friends, but when I read some tasting notes out there it feels like we’re drinking different liquids.

Chances are, we’re not so different. If you’ve ever read a whiskey review and briefly wondered whether you’ve stumbled into a British pastry chef’s wet-dream, we are the same. If you’ve ever read tasting notes and mistaken them for the ingredients list to a variety pack of craft hair conditioners, I see you. If you’ve ever bought a top shelf bottle only to realize it’s not much different from your daily sipper, I am your champion. Waive that oafish banana slug you call a tongue high, and waive it proud.

I write these reviews for the dumbo palates out there. Those who don’t have God’s tongue, but want to know what a whiskey might actually taste like to them.

My methodology consists of a highly scientific, very unique, top secret process which I’ve described in detail here.