Friends, coworkers, bottom-dwelling sewer people, listen here and listen well. I like a good cask finish more than I like an impressive age statement. Give me flavor, give me novelty, give me something to talk about. But until now, don’t you dare give me Angel’s Envy.

We all have a brand that we irrationally hate, right? Well this was mine. I’d never tried it, but I found the name “Angel’s Envy” and bottle shape off-putting. What kind of luxury product jerks itself off in the brand name? Give me a name that sounds fancy, not one that tells me it’s fancy. Exhibit A: when I eat Fancy Feast, I don’t feel fancy at all.

If you think the name is a clever play on the phrase “angel’s share,” you’re wrong and if I were king of the land, I’d banish you from the realm. The angel’s share refers to the portion of whiskey that evaporates to the heavens as the whiskey ages. So the only reason the heavens would be envious is if the whiskey wasn’t aged long enough to give them their due. Is that the messaging the distillery is trying to get across? That this whiskey’s young enough to blueball god?

If you think that the bottle shape with the tacky angel wings drawn on the back is a clever homage to the brand name, you’re wrong again. If I were king of the land I’d unbanish you, look you in the eyes, embrace you, and whisper in your ear “you’re better than this!” Then I’d banish you from the motherfucking realm again. The bottle is called Angel’s Envy, meaning it’s something angel’s cannot have. It’s not supposed to be an angel dammit.

So anyways, the bottle’s shaped like Gru’s silhouette and it puts Musk’s ego to shame.

But friends, I’m not unreasonable. I realize that I can’t be this critical of a product I’ve never tried. I need to rationalize what, until now, has been an irrational hatred. So I swallowed my pride and then swallowed some envy.

About the Bottle:

• 6 to 7 year old rye. *Cough* young *cough*. I was still making hot sloppies in my PJs at 7.
• Finished in rum casks. Boring. Rum is just a less flavorful whiskey, the only thing that finish is doing is diluting the flavor.
• The rum casks were previously cognac casks. So they cheaped out on new rum casks, eh?
• $100. Expensive much? I could get half a Blantons for that price.

Nose:

Smells nothing like whiskey or rum. If teddy grahams could suffer from alcoholism, and if those alcoholic teddy grahams had a cardiovascular system, this is what their blood would smell like. Like a boozy graham cracker.

I love graham crackers.

Huh.

Palate:

Very sweet for a whiskey but not cloyingly sweet. It’s like the perfect level of sweetness I would want out of a drink, though I could see it turning others off as it does push the envelope.

And it has that boozy graham cracker taste, too.

Well shit.

Finish:

Long dammit!

Bottom Line:

8.5/10. I love it so much.

Don’t talk to me.

* I originally rated this a 9/10 but after working through half the bottle, I’ve decided to knock it down to 8.5. I still love it, but it’s very much a situational “gotta be in the mood for it” drink.