Hello my fellows, it’s time to review the one true Mellow Yellow.
I decided to give this hidden gem of a whiskey a try after a tip from my go-to whiskey sommelier. Much like all hidden gems, this bottle is extremely sought after and hard to find. I managed to hunt one down for $29.99, which is about msrp (Market Suggested Resale Price).
The bottle says it’s bottled “Under U.S. Government Supervision,” so you know this is high quality stuff. The Government has been responsible for some of my favorite hits – free speech, moon landings, and the illegality of murder. Admittedly, police brutality has been a bit of a flop, but let’s hope this release is more akin to the classics.
Also, real bourbon aficionados will note that the bottle is labeled as Kentucky Straight Corn Whiskey. That’s important because it’s not technically bourbon unless it’s made in Kentucky. So this is the real deal, folks.
Let’s taste some whiskey, shall we?
Disclaimer:
But first, I want to emphasize that this bottle was not harmed in the making of this review. I figured it would be blasphemous to actually open a bottle of this calibur, so instead, I ordered a dram from my local watering hole and jotted my thoughts in a moleskin notepad using my finest fountain pen.
Let’s taste some whiskey, shall we?
Bottle Architecture:
But first, let’s talk about the shape of the bottle. I like that they decided to make the bottle corn-shaped, which I take as a subtle nod to the picture of corn in the label.
I’m also very intrigued by the plastic screw top. It’s unexpected from a bottle of this caliber. But maybe that’s the genius of it? Who says bourbon needs to be corked to be good? The bottle makes us question what we know about quality whiskey: it’s a treat for the tongue and the mind.
Let’s taste some whiskey, shall we?
Color:
But first, let’s look at it. The color is a beautiful golden hue, like a Leprechaun’s doubloon. It reminds me of lazy summer mornings hunting for shiny rocks to throw at cars off the overpass.
After resting for two minutes, the color is now more reminiscent of Rebecca’s hair.
Nose:
A peck of shucked butter sweet corn leads the front of the nose, followed by flint corn. Rested for thirty seconds, this stuff really opens up and you can make out more corn.
In the back of the nose, I get boiled heirloom cobs and unprocessed animal feed.
Taste:
Fresh baked cornbread during a category-five hurricane. Southern Italian shoe leather, if those shoes had been playing “kick the corn cob” for 76 hours straight. South American corn cartel bullet casings round out the symphony with a sharp metallic twang.
The flavors are perfectly balanced by that bitter astringency one associates with poison berries.
Finish:
The flavors evolve on the finish, much like Cornall’s dramatic evolution to Maizing. Now, I’m tasting mineral water fresh from the Hudson river, Campari in the throes of a life-threatening Covid infection, and a hint of angry ghost.
It’s as if Houdini himself made all the flavor disappear.
Bottom line:
10/10. If you’re the kind of person who likes corn, has a high tolerance for traditionally “bad” flavors, and isn’t over Rebecca yet, this is the bottle for you. Truly, this is the kind of bottle you’ll want to buy and let sit on your shelf unopened.
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