Friends, lovers, anonymous internet cretins, listen here and listen well. The whiskey gods have smiled upon me. This bottle may be the most fortuitous in my collection. Why? Because it was free, and I didn’t have to commit any felonies to make it free.

This bottle typically runs for $250 and it’s a blended bourbon with a 15 year age statement. Interestingly, it’s bottled at 50%, which is surprisingly low for cask strength. For comparison, the Grey Label Seagrass is also cask strength, but that one at 65%. This isn’t a criticism though, more alcohol content is not always better.

So how’d I get this $250 bottle for the low price of $0? Easy. I ordered a bottle of Seagrass Grey Label online; they sent me this by mistake; I let them know about the mistake; they acknowledged the mistake; I diverted my anger from the nice customer service folk and kicked my dog instead; they said I could keep this bottle and they’d still send me the Seagrass Grey Label. Shoutout to Barcart for making this painless for everyone other than Fluffy.

Context

I have the palate of a neanderthal. I used to wonder if the whole whiskey world was playing some elaborate joke with some of the tasting notes you see out there (“strawberry meringue” is an actual tasting note that’s supposedly in this bottle). I write these reviews for people like me, who don’t have God’s tongue, but want to know what a whiskey might actually taste like to them.

Nose

Rich and sweet. Black permanent marker on the nose. Not in a bad way, it doesn’t smell astringent or anything, but definitely reminds me of that classic sharpie smell. If you used to sniff markers in grade school, you’d love this.

For fun, I checked the official smelling notes to see if I could identify anything:

“A puff of chalk dust and wood smoke. Underneath are notes of toasted marshmallow, warm honeycomb, and chocolate babka straight from the oven. Soon nubuck leather and sunflower seed jostle to the fore. Fruits emerge next, from Ginger Gold apples through roasted banana to strawberry jam, ending with chamomile and eucalyptus.”

What the hell does chalk dust smell like other than sneezes and mucus? Does warm honeycomb smell different than cold honeycomb? Do either smell different from honey? Do Ginger Gold apples smell more like apples or more like ginger? Suffice it to say I got none of those notes.

Palate

Very rich and moderately sweet. You can taste the age, there’s a definite oakiness to it. Definitely tastes like a classic aged bourbon–the flavor isn’t anything unique or novel. There’s some burn, but not an overwhelming amount.

Finish

Definitely has a long finish. It does not end on a bitter note which is nice.

Bottom Line

7/10. This is a tasty whiskey and for the low price of $0 it can’t be beat. But I wouldn’t pay $250 for it. On the one hand, it’s rich and sweet and shows its age with the oakiness that also lacks any bitter notes you get with over-oaked whiskies. On the other hand, there was nothing about this bottle that hooked me and would have me craving it.